I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
