I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The cops high fived after they tackled you
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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