Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize