can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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