she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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