I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
