i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just forgot I was standing up.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
