He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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