I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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