theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
