I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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