I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I am naked and annoyed.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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