He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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