Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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