I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It's shark week go big or go home
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