3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
