my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
