Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
