Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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