Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
