I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
