Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
