If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
