there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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