So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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