I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
