am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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