He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
