omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
