Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
