What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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