his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
