Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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