Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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