Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
