So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
