I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
