What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
