do herpes really smell.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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