I wish I could punch you in the face.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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