shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
