I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize