The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
