Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize