There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
