It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
