Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
