Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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