I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
