You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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