what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
