This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
