The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
