she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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