Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
