ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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