are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
