dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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