I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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