wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
