Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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