I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
