That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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