just tell him i said nine months
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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