Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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