She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
