your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
