i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
