I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
