I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Woke up backwards on a recliner
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
