lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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