what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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