I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Randomize
