I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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