Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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