i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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