i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
