The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
