you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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