can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
