she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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