Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize